John 13.34-35 “Love Each Other”

Some of you had the opportunity to meet Jerry Toshalis when he spoke here on Saturday afternoon here a few weeks ago at our forum on Same Sex Relationships and the church.  For those who didn’t see the presentation, Jerry spent a couple of hours on how Christians can and should engage one another when they disagree strongly about important issues.  I am not sure if I told anyone this when Jerry was asked to come here, but he is my spiritual director.  That means I actually pay him a small fee and go to his office every month so he can hassle me!

Jerry talked some that day about “binary thinking”.  He brings that up with me every now and then, too.  Binary thinking is meant to be analogous to how computers work.  Binary language for computers is predicated on everything in the computer code being written as ones and zeroes.  Binary thinking means the door is either open or it is closed.  Binary thinking means that the answer is either on or off, yes or no.  Binary thinking also leads us sometimes to the point of saying it must be this, but not that; something must be right or wrong but it can’t be both.  Jerry tried at the workshop, and pushes me at times also, to not think in terms of either A or B but instead, what is the relationship between A and B.  If I feel one way about A and another way about B how do I relate to my feelings about A and B?

That may sound esoteric, or goofy, but it is very important.  We see evidence of binary thinking all around us.  We see it especially in political discourse and the lack of civility that accompanies it.  We see it in religious life and discourse where the emphasis is often placed on being right, whose right, and then in turn being wrong and who is wrong.  Binary thinking doesn’t really tolerate ambiguity or gray areas well at all.  Binary thinking works for computers.  Binary thinking becomes a huge stumbling when applied to people, though.  For example, is someone good or bad or are there shades of both in everyone?  Will you vote for your chosen candidate because they stand with you on one particular issue?

It would be wonderful if life were that simple.  Life isn’t that simple, though.  People we love sometimes disagree with us.  People we love sometimes disappoint us.  Sometimes we disappoint the people who love us.  When those things happen some people can simply “flip a switch” and stop loving the other person.  Most of us have a hard time with that, though.  Most of us will say, “Even though you have done something against me I still want to be able to love you. I want to be reconciled.  I want to continue in relationship with you.”

Love isn’t as simple as binary language.  Jesus said to his disciples:  “This is my commandment, that you love one another.”  Can anyone be commanded to love another?  I don’t think Jesus would issue a commandment lightly so I think we have to take him seriously on this.  He has pretty high expectations of us.  He issued the commandment to people he knew would betray him.  I imagine he knew their potential, both for failure and for success, pretty well.  We don’t love anyone by simply flipping a switch.  We don’t love anyone just because Jesus said to do it.  We love one another as he loved us because we work at living the way he lived and we work at loving the way he loved.

In Luke 6.32 and following, Jesus says, “If you love only those who love you, why should you be commended?  Even sinners do that…”  In Romans 5.1 and following, Paul says, “… at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly….”  It is hard enough to love the people I like!  Then Jesus adds that I need to love people who may not love me back!  It is hard enough to love good people and then Paul brings up this stuff about Jesus dying for “ungodly people”  (meaning us).  If I am considered “ungodly” yet worthy of love, then how should I treat someone I may consider ungodly?  All of this is simply to say that the commandment of Jesus that his disciples love one another is not an easy thing to buy into.  But, again, he calls this a commandment, not a hope or a suggestion.  We are commanded to love one another the same way he loves us.  That can be challenging.

This week I will talk about people in our congregation that have influenced us in some way.  Life in Christian community can sometimes be messy.  It is also worthwhile.  It is supposed to help shape us and mold us into more Christ-like human beings.  A large part of our Christian formation comes through observing and learning from other Christians.  Take some time and think about people in this church who have loved you.  Think about people in this church who have influenced you.  Who loved you when it seemed like nobody else did?  Who was there for you when you really needed them?  Who did you disagree with and still choose to remain close to?

I have a friend who is a pastor.  He has hereditary kidney disease.  His mother, sister, brother and children have had kidney transplants.  When he needed a transplant nobody in his family could donate.  He was on a list for a long time with no luck.  Then one day the lay leader from his church decided to be tested.  He wasn’t a great match but by that time my friend had to take what he could get or die.  So the pastor received a kidney from the lay leader.  Is there someone in our church that you would do that for?  Or, flip that and ask yourself, who in my church would love me that much?

In churches, relationships are more important than individuals.  How we treat each other matters.  For Jesus there is a right way and a wrong way.  Often we will disagree.  Binary thinking tells us one party must be right and the other must be wrong.  Life in Christian community is more complex than that.  How is it that we can maintain Christ-like relationships with one another even when we disagree?  That ultimately becomes significant for judging Christian character.  As you prepare to worship this week, think about who it is in this congregation that you look to as an example of Christian love.  In this church, who for you really does work at living out that commandment:  “Love one another as I have loved you.”?

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